[Letter to Miss Mary Hale]
228 W. 39TH STREET,
10th February, 1896.
I was astonished at learning that you have not received my letter yet. I wrote immediately after the receipt of yours and also sent you some booklets of three lectures I delivered in New York.
These Sunday public lectures are now taken down in shorthand and printed. Three of them made two little pamphlets, several copies of which I have forwarded to you. I shall be in New York two weeks more, and then I go to Detroit to come back to Boston for a week or two.
My health is very much broken down this year by constant work. I am very nervous. I have not slept a single night soundly this winter. I am sure I am working too much, yet a big work awaits me in England.
I will have to go through it, and then I hope to reach India and have a rest all the rest of my life. I have tried at least to do my best for the world, leaving the result to the Lord. Now I am longing for rest. Hope I will get some, and the Indian people will give me up.
How I would like to become dumb for some years and not talk at all! I was not made for these struggles and fights of the world. I am naturally dreamy and restful, I am a born idealist, can only live in a world of dreams; the very touch of fact disturbs my visions and makes me unhappy. They will be done!
I am ever ever grateful to you four sisters; to you I owe everything I have in this country. May you be ever blessed and happy. Wherever I be, you will always be remembered with the deepest gratitude and sincerest love. The whole life is a succession of dreams.
My ambition is to be a conscious dreamer, that is all. My love to all—to Sister Josephine.
Ever your affectionate brother,