[Letter to Miss Josephine MacLeod]
THE MATH, BELUR,
2nd February, 1899.
MY DEAR JOE,
You must have reached N.Y. by this time and are in the midst of your own after a long absence. Fortune has favoured you at every step of this journey—even the sea was smooth and calm, and the ship nearly empty of undesirable company. Well, with me it is doing otherwise.
I am almost desperate I could not accompany you. Neither did the change at Vaidyanath do me any good. I nearly died there, was suffocating for eight days and nights!! I was brought back to Calcutta more dead than alive, and here I am struggling to get back to life again.
Dr. Sarkar is treating me now.
I am not so despondent now as I was. I am reconciled to my fate. This year seems to be very hard for us. Yogananda, who used to live in Mother's house, is suffering for the last month and every day is at death's door. Mother knows best, I am roused to work again, though not personally but am sending the boys all over India to make a stir once more.
Above all, as you know, the chief difficulty is of funds. Now that you are in America, Joe, try to raise some funds for our work over here.
I hope to rally again by March, and by April I start for Europe. Again Mother knows best.
I have suffered mentally and physically all my life, but Mother's kindness has been immense. The joy and blessings I had infinitely more than I deserve. And I am struggling not to fail Mother, but that she will always find me fighting, and my last breath will be on the battlefield.
My best love and blessings for you ever and ever.
Ever yours in the Truth,