[Letter to Swami Ramakrishnananda]
MY DEAR SHASHI,
I am going with my mother to Rameswaram, that is all. I don't know whether I shall go to Madras at all. If I go, it will be strictly private.
My body and mind are completely worked out; I cannot stand a single person. I do not want anybody. I have neither the strength nor the money, nor the will to take up anybody with me.
Bhaktas(devotees) of Guru Maharaj or not, it does not matter. It was very foolish of you even to ask such a question.
Let me tell you again, I am more dead than alive, and strictly refuse to see anybody. If you cannot manage this, I don't go to Madras. I have to become a bit selfish to save my body.
Let Yogin-Ma and others go their own way. I shall not take up any company in my present state of health.
Yours in love,
[Letter to Mrs. Ole Bull]
THE MATH, BELUR,
2nd February, 1901.
MY DEAR MOTHER,
Several days ago I received your letter and a cheque of Rs. 150 included. I will tear up this one, as the three Previous cheques I have handed over to my cousin.
Joe is here, and I have seen her twice; she is busy visiting. Mrs. Sevier is expected here soon—en route to England. I expected to go to England with her, but as it now turns out, I must go on a long pilgrimage with my mother.
My health suffers the moment I touch Bengal; anyhow, I don't much mind it now; I am going on well and so do things about me.
Glad to learn about Margot's success, but, says Joe, it is not financially paying; there is the rub. Mere continuance is of little value, and it is a far cry from London to Calcutta.
Well, Mother knows. Everybody is praising Margot's Kali the Mother, but alas! they can't get a book to buy; the booksellers are too indifferent to promote the sale of the book.
That this new century may find you and yours in splendid health and equipment for a yet greater future is and always has been the prayer of your son