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To Miss Mary Hale
1719 TURK STREET,
22nd March, 1900.
MY DEAR MARY,
Many thanks for your kind note. You are correct that I have many other thoughts to think besides Indian people, but they have all to go to the background before the all-absorbing mission â my Master's work.
I would that this sacrifice were pleasant. It is not, and naturally makes one bitter at times; for know, Mary, I am yet a man and cannot wholly forget myself; hope I shall some time. Pray for me.
Of course I am not to be held responsible for Miss MacLeod's or Miss Noble's or anybody else's views regarding myself or anything else, am I? You never found me smart under criticism.
I am glad you are going over to Europe for a long period. Make a long tour, you have been long a house-dove.
As for me, I am tired on the other hand of eternal tramping; that is why I want to go back home and be quiet. I do not want to work any more. My nature is the retirement of a scholar. I never get it! I pray I will get it, now that I am all broken and worked out. Whenever I get a letter from Mrs. Sevier from her Himalayan home, I feel like flying off the Himalayas. I am really sick of this platform work and eternal trudging and seeing new faces and lecturing.
You need not bother about getting up classes in Chicago. I am getting money in Frisco and will soon make enough for my passage home.
How are you and the sisters? I expect to come to Chicago some time towards the first part of April.
To Sister Nivedita
25th March, 1900.
I am much better and am growing very strong. I feel sometimes that freedom is near at hand, and the tortures of the last two years have been great lessons in many ways. Disease and misfortune come to do us good in the long run, although at the time we feel that we are submerged for ever.
I am the infinite blue sky; the clouds may gather over me, but I am the same infinite blue.
I am trying to get a taste of that peace which I know is my nature and everyone's nature. These tin pots of bodies and foolish dreams of happiness and misery â what are they?
My dreams are breaking. Om Tat Sat!