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11th April, 1899.
. . . Two years of physical suffering have taken away twenty years of my life. Well, but the soul changeth not, does it? It is there, the same madcap Atman, mad upon one idea, intent and intense.Â
To Shrimati Sarala Ghosal, B. A.
(Original in Bengali)
16th April, 1899.
Very glad to receive your kind note. If by the sacrifice of some specially cherished object of either myself or my brother-disciples many pure and genuinely patriotic souls come forward to help our cause, rest assured, we will not hesitate in the least to make that sacrifice nor shed a tear-drop â you will see this verified in action. But up till now I have seen nobody coming forward to assist in this way.
Only some have wished to put their own hobby in place of ours â that is all. If it really help our country or humanity â not to speak of giving up Guru-worship â believe me, we are prepared to commit any dire iniquity and suffer the eternal damnation of the Christians. But my hairs have turned grey since I began the study of man. This world is a most trying place, and it is long since I have taken to wandering with the lantern of the Grecian Philosopher in hand. A popular song my Master often used to sing comes to my mind:Â
"He who's a man after one's heartÂ
Betrays himself by his very looks.
Rare indeed is such a one!
He's a man of aesthetic perceptionsÂ
Who treads a path contrary to others."
This much from my side. Please know that not one word of it is exaggerated â which you will find to be actually the case.
But then I have some doubts about those patriotic souls who can join with us if only we give up the worship of the Guru. Well, if, as they pose, they are indeed panting and struggling so much â almost to the point of dissolution from their body â to serve the country, how can the single accident of Guru-worship stop everything!Â
This impetuous river with rolling waves which bade fair to sweep away whole hills and mountains â was a bit of Guru-worship sufficient to turn it back to the Himalayas! I put it to you, do you think anything great will come of such patriotism, or any substantial good proceed from such assistance? It is for you to say; I can make nothing out of it. For a thirsty man to weigh so much the merits of water, or for a man about to die of hunger to cogitate so much and turn up his nose at the food presented! Well, people have strange ways of thinking. I, for one, am inclined to think that those people were best in a glass-case; the more they keep away from actual work, the better.
"Love stops not for questions of birth.
Nor the hungry man for stale food."
This is what I know. But I may be wholly mistaken. Well, if this trifle of Guru-worship sticks in one's throat to choke one to death, we had better extricate him from this predicament.
However, I have a great longing to talk over these points with you in detail. For talking these things over, affliction and death have given me leave till now, and I hope they will do so yet.
May all your wishes be fulfilled in this New Year!